Play this song as you read
To be honest it’s always dark i don’t really see a purpose for writing this but i’m gonna do it anyway.
I’m always thinking about love and what makes it so beautiful and how it makes us do stupid things, i guess it’s like when you haven’t seen someone in a long time and you see them and it’s like a rush you never felt before and that one person controls that side of you that part of you will do anything to see that person smile and being happy.
Trying to stop this self-hate that i felt i feel and never tell anyone about just sit in my room and let one tear drop fall out of my left eye so i guess i’m trying to say i never cry at times and i’m really scared that i’m not gonna completely my goals and then to fell cared for not just by putting clothes on my back and a nice bed but actually being cared for emotionally is by doing something stupid like telling my parents i smoke weed i did it to see if they really care and they do at times i’m just so used to being disappointed by them that i tend to rely on my sister to solve all my problems it’s like shes my parent when my parents don’t wanna do it.
the stars i see at night when i look out my window are like little specs of the universe giving me a sign that everything’s gonna be alright and that i’m gonna be happy one day but some times i think about death alot like what if when we die we just sit there floating around with out a purpose looking for a cause. We feel empty by the fact that we just want something to fell are emptiness with realness and sense. but i guess i will never find that because i’m not allowed to be open like i want to i wanna get rid of this self-hate because i feel like if i wasn’t born things would be allot diffrent i know that sounds cliche but that’s how i think i just wish that i find my purpose before i die.
I just feel really alone i guess because i am because no one can enter my head decode my system of thinking and knowledge. Life really scares me because sometimes i think that no one is there for me but you know how people are gonna say,how can u say that you know im always here for you so they won’t feel bad about themselves. So they can say i love you you know that, But me i know damn well that’s a lie people tell each other so they can feel meaningful and have sympathy for you.